Huggies Forum

No sex or connection. Rss

I've never posted anything before, but I'm a first time Mum, well, almost, I'm due within the next few weeks, and I'm just feeling really isolated and sad at the moment. Since we found out I was expecting, which was planned, my husband hasn't been as physical with me, which I understand to a point, but without the intimacy and connection that comes with it, I feel really lost. I'm not a confident person on a good day, and my husband has never been really forthcoming with compliments, even before I was pregnant, and I'm trying really hard to keep my head up, but it's hard to not look at myself and feel really disconnected with what I see. I haven't put on terribly much weight, it's all gone to my belly and boobs, which shouldn't matter, but I can't help but feel like "hey dude, I haven't completely blown up, show me some appreciation". I've tried to talk to him about how is lack of willingness when it comes to our sex life makes me feel throughout my pregnancy, and again yesterday, his response was "it's got nothing to do with you", "he (our baby) is there and it freaks me out", and "I'm not repulsed by you". I know it could be hormones, but all I got from that exchange is that it's all about him and what he wants and that he doesn't find me unattractive, but only to the point that he's "not repulsed" by me. I can't help but feel negatively about how I look and am scared of what life will be like after our son is born, as I'm not confident that our intimacy will return to any degree. Any advice anyone can give me, would be greatly appreciated.
While I'm not experiencing this personally, a friend of mine did. Her husband did not want sex at all during her three pregnancies for the same reason - the thought that a baby was in there freaked him out, even though he knew all the experts say it is totally fine!

The important thing is that it has never changed how much he loves her, and things pretty much went back to "normal" afterwards. It sounds as if your husband might be having the same feelings, so hopefully he'll have the same response later.

Discuss things with him again if you can - maybe the two of you need to look at other ways of being physical/intimate for the time being, so he is not uncomfortable but you are still getting the connection you need. Maybe it could be something like taking a relaxing bath together, or giving each other massages. Or even just a cuddle and an open honest discussion in bed at night about how you are feeling about the pregnancy and your fears for the road ahead could help you feel closer emotionally with him. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
My husband wasn't all that keen when I was pregnant as he felt the same. He didn't feel right knowing that there was a baby in there. I actually asked our dr to explain to him that the baby wouldn't be harmed or know what was going on and eventually he came around to the idea. We now have three children and I can tell you there was more connection and intimacy as each pregnancy went on and he felt more and more comfortable with the idea.
Hope that helps.
Thank you both for your responses. And BumpnBaby, fingers, toes and everything that can be crossed, crossed, that our intimacy and connection increases after our little man makes his appearance.
My husband logically knows he's not going to hurt him now, but I guess the bump, and the fact he can see the little guy moving when we have been intimate, freaks him out. I do understand how it would freak him out, but I still have needs, which I'm sure he does too.
I tried to talk to him again last night, very tentatively, but I've just placed the emphasis on the fact that I do understand his feelings, but at the same time, his attention means the world to me and has a big impact on how I feel about myself, especially now, being 37 wks pregnant. He did seem more receptive to the discussion and tmi, I know, but there was a little intimacy when we went to bed, and honestly, for the first time in at least a fortnight, I actually didn't wake up feeling anxious.
I guess the real test will be after I have our son, so hopefully if I can keep the dialogue going, the transition will run smoothly and so we'll both feel satisfied, happy and connected.
Anyway, thank you for you advice and kind words, ladies. x
My partner was the opposite during my pregnancy. He wanted it all the time and I didn't! I felt very insecure when I was pregnant and couldn't get in the mood like before I was pregnant.
I agree with some of the above posters, maybe you could try having a nice hot bath or spa together, or even just cuddling. Find some other way of being intimate that doesn't involve sex. Most likely when your baby is born he will have his normal feelings back and everything will be back to pre pregnancy.
Mind you, you don't have much time for intimacy when bubs is around, it's hard to find a spare minute.
But it's all part of becoming a parent and totally worth it. My partner still gets annoyed because we can't do it as much cause we have an 8 week old sleeping in our bedroom. And once I get him to sleep I don't want to risk waking him lol
But you will figure it out, becoming a mum is the best thing in the world. I wouldn't change it for anything.

You have nothing to worry about because your husband is reluctant to make love to you. In fact, most men are the same way. On the other hand, women need sex during pregnancy more since our hormone levels have gone through the roof. It is very difficult to reconcile these two extremes (randy women and frightened men). Be that as it may, this doesn't mean that your intimacy has dissipated. As other posters have mentions, there are numerous other ways how you can be intimate. Cuddling, doing things together, talking (although men are sometimes frightened of talking just as much as they are frightened of sex with pregnant women). My point is, try seeking other ways how to reconnect with your hubby. Nothing is lost, instead you will discover a whole new world when your bub arrives.
As others have said, there are other ways to be intimate apart from sex and if you can keep the communication open between you then you should be fine. While I was pregnant we didn't have issues with sex. I'm 9 weeks postpartum and still recovering down there and can't have sex yet, so being intimate in other ways has become very important.

Our emotions during pregnancy and even after are on a rollercoaster ride, just keep that in mind because the ride will stop one day.
Hi dear. I was very depressed first trimester. I take medication for it. Depending on how bad yours is it's better to be on something than not...much safer for you and the baby! I will suggest consulting you with BioTexCom clinic in Ukraine.
Hello lady.Don't be stress and worried.Sometimes our thinking is not same as the present condition.Keep your thoughts positive and high.I hope you are feeling better with the passage of time.Maybe your husband has any severe kind of fear about the baby.Try to understand him and share what you are feeling and about your fear.Hope you are feeling better soon.
Hello. Hope you're well. I think the best thing to do in this situation is to take your DH out on a nice quiet date. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. I'm sure it's probably just a misunderstanding. I'm sure he still loves you a lot. I hope it works out. Congratulations on getting preggo!
Hey sweetheart. It is very depressing to know the situation you have been through. My husband had the same reaction when he came to know I was pregnant for the first time. He would not come and talk to me. He would not share the same bed. I felt really bad. Later on, i realized that I could get his attention through other means. Sex was not the only option. I tried developing intimate feelings by talking to him about his problems. I would make him his favorite food. Then, we would talk over the topics of his interest. I know it is hard for a pregnant lady as her hormones are dis-balanced during that period. But, for the sake of the little blessing on my way, I had to be cautious.We both tried to solve our obstacles mutually. My husband understood me and my feelings.So, I suggest you not to lose hope.Be courageous to face everything. Give your husband a chance to understand you. My prayers are with you. Wishing you all the very best! smile
Hi… so sorry to read your story.well this is natural. When we have some problem all things going to happen wrong. This is not because of you. don’t lose your hope. Stay confident. All will be good soon. You should give as much time as possible to your husband. Through this may be matter get solved. Just don’t bother the circumstances and pay your attention to your husband. Try to be happy.
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